Excuse Me?
by i create chaos
Summary: The PJatO and HoO characters reactions to FF, the movies, and the books in letters. The Olympians are just one happy family, aren't they...? COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So I've decided to use the cliche idea of PJO characters sending us letters! I'm going to try to focus less on the demigods, and more on the gods, satyrs, monsters, etc. (Consider this your happy 2016 present!)**

 **Disclaimer- I wish it was mine...**

 **~WGG**

 **-o-**

Dear All You Unfortunately Alive Mortals,

I am absolutely disgusted with your unneeded use of the term 'What the Hades'. It is bad enough that demigods use it, you have no right too. I have heard that many of you 'fangirls' and 'fanboys' are also starting to use this term. I am trying to nicely explain to you that I don't appreciate it, but if you don't stop I WILL DRAG YOU TO AN EARLY GRAVE and make you suffer in the Fields of Punishment.

Wishing you much torture,

Hades

Lord of the Dead

Your Friend Downstairs

 **-o-**

 **Hope you like it! R &R!**

 **-WGG**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer- I doubt RR is worrying about school.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

I recently saw a movie. And in the movie, it portrayed a certain boy named Percy Jackson venturing to the Underworld and meeting a certain goddess.

I am DISGUSTED at how you portrayed me. I am not a goddess who hates her husband and likes SATYRS! I hate Satyrs! With their weird hooves and all that. I am very loyal to Hades, for my own sake. **(She's a goddess)**

I wasn't even there when Percy Jackson ventured to the Underworld when he was 12. If I see one more horrible movie such as this one, I will turn you all into Tulips!

Sunshine and Flowers,

Persephone

Queen of the Dead


	3. Chapter 3

**Happy reading!**

 **Disclaimer- I don't own PJO or Frosted Flakes.**

 **-WGG**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

If I see one more fanfiction piece that displays me as a cereal loving maniac, I will demand Zeus to destroy this site! I am not cuckoo for cereal. It just… tastes so good. And it's healthy… just ask the Karpoi.

And now, I must convince my daughter to eat her Frosted Flakes!

Eat cereal,

Demeter


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer- None of it is mine.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

Is it really necessary to call me 'Wine Dude' consistently? I hate writing, but this is one issue I MUST talk to you about. I am not the Wine Dude. It was bad enough that Di Arevalo, Johnson, and Johnson's horse used it. I absolutely forbid you from it.

Oh, my hand… It's so tired… how do you mortals do this so often?

Grumpily,

Dionysus

Director of Camp Half-Blood

Wine Dude


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer- Yeah, Rick's pen name would have girl in it.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

I am not a smart-aleck blabber mouth. A wise person knows when to shut their mouth, and I am the GODDESS of wisdom. Just because I am the smartest person in the universe doesn't mean I'm a show off.

As for your fanfiction ships…

Pothena is NEVER happening. I do not like that imbecile! And I definitely am not going to marry him or have a child with him or something. That's absolutely gross!

When will you people understand that I am a MAIDEN goddess? That means you can't ship me with anybody. Especially not Kelp head or his Seaweed Brain son. Understood?

Wisely,

Athena

Goddess of Wisdom

Owl Head

Kelp Head Hater

 **-o-**

 **That's that! Please R &R! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer- Yeah, Rick Riordan is pretending to be an eleven year old girl.**

 **You guys can always review or PM me to tell me your ideas! Btw, I wrote this on my phone, sorry if there are any typos.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

Honestly, I'm not, like, so, like, evil that I need to be the villain in all your stories. Revenge is sweet, but I'm not, like, willing, like, to die five thousand times to kill Percy Jackson.

Why am I never the hero? I mean, Percy just takes his sword and always kills me. Why can't, I, like, kill him for once?

You do realize that in the real world, monsters, like, win sometimes, right?

I don't think anyone, like, realizes that no one deserves Tartarus. Not even the, like, worst monsters. It is a pit of, like, pure torture.

Maybe sometimes, the monsters are misunderstood.

Remember to die,

Kelli

Empousa

Monster

Vampire Cheerleader


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer~ I'm tired of writing disclaimers, so this one applies to this whole fic: The characters and the story idea are not mine, okay!?**

 **This is still on my phone, I apologize for any typos, and thanks to all the reviewers, they really brightened my day!**

 **~o~**

Dear Mortals,

Hey guys! This is Apollo! I'm writing for my sister, who was so angry at something called Pertemis that she couldn't write.

Ok, now she's telling me to tell you that all Pertemis writers will delete their stories and disown that ship, or risk her wrath. And that you don't want to risk her wrath. At all.

Now she's saying that she is going to have a talk with Percy Jackson about joining Chaos and causing Pertemis to happen.

Ok, I, the amazing Apollo, have something to tell you. I am NOT an egoistic jerk. And my haikus are actually really good.

(Cough,Cough)

 _I am Apollo_

 _I am just super awesome_

 _Mortals are not nice_

Perfect

Apollo&Artemis

Twin Gods

 **-o-**

 **Please review! Oh, and school starts tomorrow, so I might not be able to update as often.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello! I'm glad I could update today, but don't count on it :(**

~o~

Dear Mortals,

I'm not betraying my friends and family anytime soon, and neither are they betraying me. Besides, why would Chaos want me, of all people, to join his army? I don't even have any proof that he exists.

Annabeth is not betraying me either. Gods of Olympus, we went to Tartarus with each other. You can't break a bond so strong.

You all write me super, as you say it, OOC. Honestly, just get me right for once. I heard that somebody wrote 10 books about me. That should be enough for you to realize my true self.

You know, I don't get you people.

Percy Jackson

Has too many titles to put here

 **-o-**

 **No reviews last chapter? I'm sad :(**

 ***wipes tear***

 **Can you pretty please drop one off now? It'll brighten my day a lot!**


	9. Chapter 9

**5 reviews last chapter? I'm so happy! Thanks guys! Two reviewers have asked me to make my chapters longer, and I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do that. I'm part of a lot of extra-curricular stuff, so I don't have much time during the day to write.**

 **This chapter is dedicated to** **Bhagyashree760** **, who wanted Aphrodite's POV.**

 **Thanks again to all the reviewers, they really brightened my day. And I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday, I was super busy.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

I am not a fashion maniac! I just like making myself feel good, and the way I do that is by looking pretty. In those books that Rick Riordan wrote, the one titled _The Lost Hero,_ I believe I quoted "To be perfect, you have to feel perfect about yourself," which is very true.

I don't obsess over couples _so_ much. It's just that Percabeth and Jiper and Frazel and Caleo and Solangelo and Tratie and all the other ones are so cute! Even my daughter Piper obsesses over them sometimes, and you don't write stories about that!

Besides, messing with people's lives is so fun! Everybody is such a good story! You know, I actually have a book filled with information about every demigod ship that ever lived. The winner for the most pages right now I believe is Percabeth, with 567 pages.

Oh great, now you are all going to write fanfictions about that. You people…

Okay, another thing… I am not getting kidnapped or kicked of the council or anything! You all think that love is unimportant, but it is what ties your puny civilization together.

One other thing, my godly OTP would be Pothena. I mean, it's so cute… okay, now I have to run. Athena is chasing me in full battle armour.

Love,

Aphrodite

Goddess of Love

Messer of Love Lives

 **-o-**

 **See? It was a little bit longer. I tried. Now see you later, and please drop me a review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello, readers! Enjoy! Oh, and please take the poll on my profile!**

 **Sorry this late, I'll try to update more over the weekend.**

 **This chapter is dedicated to Oreocat155338, who wanted Zeus' POV.**

 **-o-**

Dear Insignificant Mortals,

Where am I?! The King of the Heavens deserves more than the few fics I have! Has it ever occurred in your puny minds that I am the king of the Heavens, and have the power to burn you to ashes?

Of course it hasn't. If it had, I wouldn't be writing you this letter right now! I hate writing! It's so infuriating! The pencil is so slippery and the paper is so hard to write on!

Now my lovely *cough* horrible *cough* wife is saying that it is my fault I don't know how to write, and if she had it her way, I would have mastered penmanship several years ago. Thank goodness she doesn't have things her way.

And I definitely care about Jason and Thalia! If I didn't have them, nobody would be able to spread my immense nobility, selflessness, and looks through the demigods society. Now Hera is once again saying that my hand slipped, because I wrote selflessness instead of selfishness. That woman…

Let's go back to the turning you into ashes part. Do you think my lightning bolt is just decoration? It can do serious damage. Oh, the wonderful smell of hair and wood burning… It makes me so happy. And you, yes, I'm looking at you, will be my next victim if you do not start writing Zeus fics!

Above it all, my highest, most righteous complaint, is WHAT IS IT WITH YOU PEOPLE with all the fics about POSIEDON, of all the gods, being the best parent?! He is the worst. And Hera, I don't care if he has a tiny bit of self-decency and I don't and you are wishing you were with him right now.

WAIT, WHAT!

I will fry you,

Zeus

King of the Heavens

All powerful lord


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter is dedicated to The purple hippocampus, who wanted Calypso's POV.**

 **Happy Reading! Oh, and sorry if your POV doesn't show up soon, I'm getting a more than one request per chapter, but I'll try to get it in sooner or later.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

Let me get something straight.

A- I am over Percy.

B- I am with Leo.

C- Annabeth is my friend now.

I am not some evil witch that wants to kill Annabeth and force Percy to be with me. I mean, Percy's nice and all, but he's just my friend now. Besides, he is really naive. Even Annabeth has to admit that.

Yes, I am a sorceress, but unlike Circe, I actually _like_ demigods. I'm in love with one, for the god's sake.

By the way, my last name is not Ogygia. I've noticed a lot of you have started to use that. If I used a last name I would most probably use Atlas. Calypso Atlas. Hmph. I like the sound of that.

This fanfiction place is so cool! I mean, I've never even seen the internet before, so this is a wonder. Leo's trying to teach me how it works, but all the software and thingys are super complicated. Besides, he has to sneak devices into camp to show me how they work, and that's no easy feat. Good thing the Stoll's work for 10 drachmas an hour…

Sincerely,

Calypso Atlas

Sorceress

Non- Percabeth killer


	12. Chapter 12

**This chappie is for Finwitch1, who wanted Hera's POV.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

I am not cow and peacock obsessed. Sure, I use them to threaten demigods (especially my husband's… grrr), but only because I have nothing else at my disposal. Imagine being to goddess of marriage, women, peacocks, and cows. Yeah. That's so much to work with.

So Athena gets the owl. Poseidon gets the horse. Even my stupid husband gets the eagle. And the poor goddess of marriage gets the cow. Yipee.

So, of course, I used my cows to torture that insignificant daughter of Athena… what was her name again? Oh right, Annabeth. Serves her right for standing up to a goddess. she is lucky I didn't let turn her to ashes. That would be hilarious. But of course, Athena would get mad, and then a Civil War would start, and my hair would get messed up. Oh, and mortal civilization will be destroyed, if it even matters.

And, even though I hate to admit it, I have the same problem as Zeus. Where are my stories? If I wasn't here then your whole civilization will get messed up. You don't want that, right?

But then again, you mortals are all idiots…

 _Hello, this is Juno. Please ignore my counterpart's nonsense. If she was Roman that would have stopped a long time ago._

Oh no… go away Juno. The psychologist said that the split personality thing was over!

 _The psychologist is stupid._

Okay, I have to agree with that… how is eating beef supposed to help? I am not killing my sacred animal.

 _You Greeks… so sentimental. I ate it._

What?! JUNO!

 _Let us sign off before she finds a way to kill me._

 _The very important goddesses,_

 _Juno & Hera_

 _Goddesses of Marriage_

 _Not cow freaks_


	13. Chapter 13

**This one's for Oreocat155338.**

 **Warning- Small Harry Potter reference.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

Okay. I do not have a son. You people are killing me with all the 'son of Thanatos' references. And being a god, I cannot die. That is how desperate the situation is.

I really must have a talk with Tom Marvalo Riddle about naming his followers 'Death Eaters'. Now, that boy was quite a child of Hades. Took advantage of his father ruling the Underworld. Quite ambitious, if you ask me.

But then again, nobody asks the poor God of Death here.

Back to the Death Eaters. Do you know how mortifying it is to have people trying to eat me? Once, I took a Death Eater that had died to the underworld… Went crazy, if I recall correctly… And he tried to eat me! Disgusting!

The last demigod that I escorted to the Underworld actually asked me if people had ever tried to eat me. Disgusting Disgusting Disgusting.

Last of all- I am the god of Death. Hades is the god of the Underworld. There is a difference.

Die soon,

Thanatos

God of DEATH

Has nothing to do with Death Eaters

 **-o-**

 **Sorry for the shortness. My life has been quite busy lately.**


	14. Chapter 14

**This chapter is dedicated to TheRavenpuffPandacorn.**

 **Once again sorry for some shortness.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

Okay. My name is Jason. I am a demigod.

What I am not-

An evil monster trying to kill Percy Jackson.

A disloyal Roman brat. I'm Greek now, remember?!

And about five million other things you write about me. I really don't get the whole 'Jason stinks and Percy is awesome' thing. I personally think (shhh! Don't tell anyone!) that I am a lot more powerful than him. Maybe I should have a talk with this Riordan man about writing a series about me. I mean, why did Percy get his own fanbase? Talk about unfair.

And BRICK. Brick. Brick. Brick. What is wrong with you people? I do not like a brick. It's a brick, for the god's sake! An inanimate object! I know that in the Mark of Athena a brick hit me in the forehead, but that doesn't mean anything. The stupid brick almost killed me. You know, I'm pretty sure Octavian or Michael Kahale threw it… Humph. I need to have a talk with Kahale. Maybe Frank can call him over.

I'm glad Octavian is dead, anyhow. His tale of 'self sacrifice' will be a legend among both camps forever. Of course, all that really means is that we laugh at him every time we tell of the Second Giant War.

I don't have it in my heart to be sad. After all, I was a bred a Roman. Which means I NEVER show emotion.

I have a surprising lack of stories. All your stories are about Annabeth and Percy. Ever thought that we're called The Seven for a reason? I know you guys love Annabeth and Percy, but some more Jason wouldn't be amiss.

And some more Piper too, I guess. She made me write that.

And Hazel too. She too made me write that.

Leo, forget about it.

Please write more about the 'lead wolf of the Romans'.

Have honor,

Jason

Son of Jupiter

Greek

Not snob


	15. Chapter 15

**This chapter is for Underworld Skylar.**

 **Sorry I didn't publish yesterday, I had a LOT of homework. And volleyball practice. And a spelling bee. Which I sadly lost :(**

 **If you guys want to put in a chapter suggestion, it would really help if you could put what you wanted the character to rant about in your review. You don't have to, but it makes things alot easier for me. And remember, you can PM me too.**

 **This is the longest letter yet… 500+ words.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

I am not a scared princess in need for a rescue. Neither are Hazel, Reyna, or Piper. I am ashamed with the amount of Cinderella fics on here. And they are all about me. When will you get that I am not a stuck up, snobby princess who spends way too much time on her hair?

And why don't the other girls get Cinderella stories? Is it because of my evil step-mother? Because that is a horrible reason. Helen **(I don't know what her actual name is)** isn't pure evil step-mother potential. She might care about me a tiny bit.

I'm a demigod that can take care of herself. I don't need Percy, Frank, or Jason to save me. And _forget_ about Leo. He spends enough time trying to un-kill himself. He doesn't have the time or ability to care about anybody else. Besides, he's annoying and I scare him. He's the perfect annoying little fake brother. Except we look nothing alike. And he is already Piper's annoying little fake brother.

Much like my mother, I do not spout off random facts 24/7! Sometimes I just say things because they are interesting. **(I do not own following underlined materials. ©** **/** **)**

Like, did you know that the Incas considered bridges to be so sacred that anyone who tampered with one was put to death? Among the most impressive Inca bridges were the chacas, or rope bridges, that spanned great distances over gorges and rivers. They were made of plaited grasses woven together into a single cable as thick as a man's body, and they sometimes extended for 175 feet. It took as many as a thousand people to build such a bridge, and many of these remarkable structures lasted more than five hundred years... *keeps going.

Wasn't that so interesting? Incas are so cool! And their bridges too!

Now Percy is saying that nobody cares. Whatever.

So, back to the topic. If I've known that I'm a reasonably powerful demigod for more than ten years and not been killed by a monster, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I don't need anyone else to help me go through anything. Except maybe Tartarus. That was scary and creepy.

Percy, I don't care if my fatal flaw is showing.

Leo, I don't care if you just figured out what my fatal flaw is.

Wait… I am going to finish this letter, and then kill him.

What is it with you AU's?! ' _Annabeth Chase is a CEO for the world's most important law firm…'_ blah blah blah. Nobody cares, okay? If you have to write sixty-six thousand stories about my world, with about ten thousand stories about me, make them REALISTIC!

Not that I live in a realistic world.

Okay, now time to plan how to murder Leo…

Wisely,

Annabeth Chase

Wise Girl

One of the Seven

Head counselor of the Athena cabin

Finder of the _Athena Parthenos_

Destroyer of 1000+ monsters

Leo-killer


	16. Chapter 16

**Umm… Sorry I haven't updated?**

 **Please don't kill me. So, this chapter is dedicated to a Guest by the name of PercabethPothena, who asked for Poseidon.**

 **I'll try to update later today or tomorrow, but I have a lot of volleyball going on lately, so no promises. If you want more updates, reviews would help. When I don't get any, I'm not really motivated.**

 **I'm going to start a thing where every chapter, I ask you guys a question, and you review with your response. This chapter's question is going to be… what song is currently stuck in your head?** _ **Back to December**_ **by Taylor Swift is running loops in mine.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

I must say thank you. For the past few days, Zeus has been sulking in the sky somewhere because he couldn't find any stories about him. Oh, it is so glorious to put him down! I must thank this Ron Rilly person for writing a series about Percy instead of Jason. Ah, Percy Jackson and the Olympians has such a better ring to it than Jason Grace and the Olympians.

Oh, how wonderful it is that there are 2,270 stories about me, and only 1,211 **(Yes, I actually looked that up)** about Zeus! I checked out another poll and it said that 31,602 voted for Zeus, and 55,140 voted for me! Oh, I'm so happy that Percy is my son.

Alas, I am also incredibly angry with you people! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO MY DOMAIN? The poor, beautiful ocean is suffering because of you wretched mortals. I am not as immortal as you people think. I can still fade, for I am not exactly real… just manisfation of the power of the ocean. If you keep destroying my domain, and my fish, and all that stuff, I'll die. And who'll be your favorite god then? Apollo? Ugh.

But honestly, the ocean keeps you alive. Try to keep it alive! All the fish and salt and reefs, they are such a big part of your ecosystem that I don't know how you people can blindly misuse them! Fish have feelings too! Hmm, that sounds like a good catch phrase.

Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too! Fish have feelings too!

Ah, how fun it is to write such a thing. I can only but hope I help change your mind.

As for Pothena, I… don't have much to say. However, I must impose the fact that I don't disagree. Do you see what I am trying to say?

As for that, I do not have many more complaints. Yet, I am touched by how many of you have written stories where I am the King of the Gods. You mortals have been the first people since Mesopotamia that have been able to knock some sense into my brother's swelling head. I swear that when he last came to the throne room it was half the size that it used to be. When will he understand mortals only worship him because they fear him?

Oh, I do not know. Amphitrite is calling… something about running out of peanut butter for the Cyclops.

Godly,

Poseidon

God of the Sea

Hopeful future King of the Gods


	17. Chapter 17

Dear Mortals,

Oh, I get what that maniac with seaweed in his head is trying to say. He likes Pothena? Well, you don't have to be a wisdom goddess to figure that out.

And here, an excerpt to everybody's least favorite god;

Poseidon, I am going to send you HADES! No, not Hades, that's too nice for you. How about Tartarus? Oh, of course Tartarus. You can have a nice talk with the family member you just look up to the most, can't you? Or maybe I will send you Hades. And then, I will take the advice of Minos and make you boil in cheese fondue for all of eternity. Yes, you all just read that right. Daddy's girl is going bad. Then I'll take over your kingdom, and all your annoying pesky mermaids. I'll rip down all your idiotioc 'Fish Have Feelings Too' posters that you plastered all over the throne room and shove them in your big, fat mouth. I'll destroy your beautiful throne and your ugly, stinky cabin at Camp-Half Blood. Oh, yeah, I AM GOING TO DESTROY YOU!

Sincerely,

Athena

POSEIDON KILLER

Soon to be Goddess of the Sea and Wisdom


	18. Chapter 18

Dear Mortals,

Sister, what the Hades was that? I don't oppose to you destroying uncle, but can you please do it after Bessie's water acrobatic show? I don't appreciate my email ringing right in the middle of that. I am a very busy person, I barely have enough time to watch the show. I don't need you destroying my time. Oh, and uncle Poseidon is hiding behind his throne.

Speedily,

Hermes,

God of Messengers


	19. Chapter 19

Dear Mortals,

Athena, Hermes, stop using my name as profanity! Really, how hard is it to type 'I am going to send you to the Underworld', or, "What the heck"? Say 'What the Poseidon', heck, I don't care, as long as it doesn't have my name in it. If you weren't immortal and, unfortunately, my niece and nephew, you would both be dead by now.

Sincerely,

Hades

Lord of the Dead

No Longer Your Friend Downstairs


	20. Chapter 20

Dear Mortals,

What do you guys have against me today? I'm just minding my own business here, not causing any harm.

Sincerely,

Poseidon

God of the Sea


	21. Chapter 21

Dear Mortals,

Stop, all you annoying gods. This is supposed to be our way of communicating with mortals, not each other. You are all only a few feet away from each other, please argue in person. And Poseidon, not causing any harm? Is this a joke?

You do realize, Poseidon, that those posters with your irritating slogan are the cause for all this, right?

Sincerely,

Artemis

Goddess of the Moon and Hunt


	22. Chapter 22

Dear Mortals,

Oh, I give up. You all just don't get the importance of good slogans.

Sincerely,

Poseidon

God of the Sea


	23. Chapter 23

Dear Mortals,

We all get the importance of you shutting up, Poseidon.

Sincerely,

Athena

Goddess of Wisdom

-o-

Did you like my random marathon? :) Review and let me know!

Question- What's your favorite animal?


	24. Chapter 24

**Okay… so, I got like 10 chapter requests last chapter. So I have a question for y'all.**

 **Do you want more, shorter chapters? Or less, longer chapters? If I keep getting too many requests, I won't be able to write a bunch of long letters. Also, I'm sorry if your request doesn't show up sometime soon. As I said… I got a lot of requests.**

 **Note- Sometimes my ANs show up in regular text, sorry about that.**

 **This chapter is dedicated to, again,** **TheRavenpuffPandacorn,** **who wanted Frank's POV.**

 **(Note to** **TheRavenpuffPandacorn:** **Sorry I couldn't put in RR's POV, I wasn't sure if that would have been possible in the terms of the website. I don't know if he's copyrighted or anything.)**

 **Question- What country do you live in? I want to see the diversity of this website :)**

 **And, the AN is over! Sorry for the short chapter, I just didn't have much inspiration for Frank.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

Umm…. I'm only writing because everybody else was, and I was starting to feel awkward sitting in the God's throne room while they were all writing on here. Next time, I am not accepting my dad's invitation to watch Bessie.

So, what to say?

I don't have that much of a problem with how you portray me. Most people would be insulted by being called a clumsy, awkward oaf, but that's just who I am. Some of you write me OOC, but most of you authors are fine.

Then again, you probably don't have any chances to mess me up, since you write nothing about me. Or Hazel, for that matter. Honestly, 6,233 Percabeth stories, and 413 Frazel stories. Do you know how insulting that is?

And you OOC authors; I am not a evil, bloodthirsty son of Mars. Believe me, I met Clarisse a few days ago. I can't believe we technically have the same dad. She is… something. Neither am I a peaceful, all 'happiness and sunshine let's make the world a better place' person. I'm somewhere in the middle.

I feel as if you all have something against the Romans. At least twenty people say on their profiles that they don't like Hazel and Frank because they're Romans. I get if you don't like me, but all the Romans? That's just cold. And you like Jason. Actually, screw that. You guys are made up of more Percy-holics than Jason-holics. You don't have anything against Leo and Piper, though, and they're Greek.

You all think that Leo is very cool and macho? Well, that's what he'll make you think. Wait till you're stuck with him on a magic ship, being forced to spend days and days being tortured by him. Your minds will switch directions faster the the Northern winds.

Okay, so I have nothing else to say except bye. I've never been good at ranting.

Clumsily,

Frank

Son of War

One of the Seven

Praetor of Camp Jupiter


	25. Chapter 25

**This chapter dedicated too** **Bhagyashree760** **, who wanted Leo's POV.**

 **Umm...updates are going to start being kind irregular. Sorry?**

 **Here's another rally thingie, since you guys seemed to like that.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

Oh yeah, baby, I LOVE my beautiful fanbase. I bet at least a thousand of you are pretty *winks eyes*. Frank and Annabeth are crazy. The Super-hot McShizzle isn't annoying. He just has a humorous attitude that gets all the girls.

ALL DA LADIES LUV LEO!

You guys make me feel so wanted. I have so many fans (like 50,000!), that I don't feel like an outcast anymore. I've lived my life, I saved the world, I died, I came back to life, but I've never felt as victorious as I did when I saw my fanbase.

Why do you all have to write about Nyx coming and trying to take over the world? Sure, I'll just stuff her face in a Porta Pottie, but give me a break, okay?

Hot guy,

Leo Valdez

Son of Hephaestus

One of the Seven

Defeater of Gaea

King of Leo-World

Fonzie-Lover


	26. Chapter 26

Dear Mortals,

Leo, you better be joking about 'All da ladies luv Leo'. Annabeth, Piper, Hazel, and, of course, ME, should be the only girls in your life. To Hades with all of you Leo fangirls. Leo is MINE. MINE. MINE. MINE, okay!? The rest of you can rot in HADES. Oh yes, go rot in the fields of Punishment. And die. And then die again. And then again. And then again. And again. And again. And again...

Totally Not Jealous,

Calypso Atlas

Daughter of Atlas


	27. Chapter 27

Dear Mortals,

Calypso, if you weren't a titaness, it would you be 'rotting in Hades', as you put it. It is 'rotting in the Underworld', OKAY!

Why can you all just stop using my name? Even when I forbid you, you keep using me as profanity. What, am I not scary enough?

Oh, I can be a lot more scary when I'm angry.

Deathly,

Hades

God of the Underworld


	28. Chapter 28

Dear Mortals,

Oh, brother, please don't get angry again. We don't need a World War III. Weren't you the one saying the Underworld is too overcrowded anyways?

Sincerely,

Poseidon

God of the Sea


	29. Chapter 29

Dear Mortals,

Watch your tongue brother. I am not in the mood to deal with you right now. All of you gods on the council need to stop thinking of me as no threat, as a god that you can control. I can be very dangerous to you.

Sincerely,

Hades

God of the Underworld


	30. Chapter 30

Dear Mortals,

And how, uncle, would you do that?

Sincerely

Apollo

God of Five Million things he doesn't want to write.


	31. Chapter 31

Dear Mortals,

I might not be able to kill you, but your mortal lovers and demigod children are completely at my disposal.

I'm making up a new rule; if one of you incredibly annoys me, your lovers and demigods suffer in the Fields of Punishments when they die, for a century.

Sincerely,

Hades

God of the Underworld


	32. Chapter 32

Dear Mortals,

You wouldn't dare.

Sincerely,

Demeter

Goddess of Agriculture


	33. Chapter 33

Dear Mortals,

Oh, yes, I would. And Demeter, due to how annoying you've been for so many millennia, you're first on my list.

Sincerely,

Hades

God of the Underworld


	34. Chapter 34

Dear Mortals,

Husband, please don't do this. I rather like my step-siblings.

Sincerely,

Persephone

Goddess of Springtime


	35. Chapter 35

Dear Mortals,

Okay, since Persephone asked so nicely, Demeter is exempt. So, who's next? How about… Zeus?

Sincerely,

Hades

God of the Underworld


	36. Chapter 36

Dear Mortals,

KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES KILL HADES.

Sincerely,

Zeus

God of the Sky


	37. Chapter 37

Dear Mortals,

Everybody duck and cover. Zeus is going to blow.

Sincerely,

Artemis

Goddess of the Hunt and Moon


	38. Chapter 38

Dear Mortals,

Ugh… fine. I'll withdraw my new rule.

Sincerely,

Hades

God of the Underworld


	39. Chapter 39

Dear Mortals,

Thank goodness. I hate being fried by lightning in the afternoon.

Sincerely,

Poseidon

God of the Sea

 **-o-**

 **Whew… that took some time.**

 **Question- What's your favorite non-series book?**

 **Review, review, and review!**


	40. Chapter 40

**This chapter is dedicated to a bunch of people and guests who wanted Nico, but finally KoolKat0207, who PMed me… so, here y'all go! And I'm not southern! Okay, I'm not very comfortable with Nico and Will's… situation, so let's say there is Solangelo, I just won't be mentioning it.**

 **Question-Which is your favorite school subject? Mine's English!**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals;

Your ships, your ships, your ships… they kill me. No Perico- at least, not anymore, and DEFINITELY no Thalico. Me and Thalia? Are you all nuts? You're like satyrs running for Artemis! Worse than Grover, in fact!

And why do all you fangirls have crushes on me? Not only that, I'm the only fictional character you have crushes on. I'm not available, okay? I'm the scary guy who freaks people more than double his age out. If I was in Star Wars, I would probably be Darth Vader, without the totally burned, deformed head. Gods, _Return of the Jedi_ was creepy! And that's saying alot, coming from the son of, literally, every kid's 'worst nightmare'. And me/OC? Where does that even come from? Ewwww… you all do know I'm only fourteen, right? And I've seen things at ten that would've sent you into hibernation.

Just wanted to make that clear.

So we have established that:

1)I'm not available.

2)I'm very creepy.  
3)You should stay away from me unless you want my French zombie chauffeur to run over you.

Man, I really need to teach my dad how to give proper presents to me. Imagine what he gives Persephone. Dead skeletons holding dead flowers, dead tree skeletons, dead birds, things that would probably give her a scare big enough to want to leave the Underworld. You would think that he would know by now what evil step-moms who are the Goddesses of Flowers would like.

Okay… soooooo, I'm not emotionally unstable, I'm not going to do things not appropriate for this rating because I have pain to deal with. Sure, I've had to deal with a lot of death in my life, but facing death is life, using some insane logic. Hades is actually a pretty good Olympian to have as a dad, because with him, I know that I'll live beyond my death, using more insanely weird logic. My dad already prepared my room in his palace, since I'm one of his favorite sons in the past millennia. An eternity of being waited on by zombie soldiers, what else you could want in life?

Please don't answer that, it was a rhetorical question. You'll make me feel even worse.

Scary guy,

Nico

Son of Hades

The Ghost King


	41. Chapter 41

Dear Mortals,

Nico, who are you calling an 'evil step-mom who is the Goddess of Flowers'? Well, me, obviously, don't answer that. Do you want me to talk to your father? I might be able to convince him enough to let me permanently turn you into a bright pink, happy rose.

Flowery,

Persephone

Goddess of Flowers


	42. Chapter 42

Dear Mortals,

Oh, Styx. I'm not even supposed to be out of bed because the Apollo kids *cough* Will *cough* won't let me lift a finger! Now I have an evil step-mother after me.

Oh… wait! Persephone isn't allowed to go to the surface during winter! I'll be hiding in a bright, sunny, corner.

I need to run,

Nico

Son of Hades

The Ghost King


	43. Chapter 43

Dear Mortals,

Oh Hades, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE ME EAT THE STUPID POMEGRANATE?

Angrily,

Persephone

Goddess of Flowers


	44. Chapter 44

Dear Mortals,

Nico, where would that corner be? I need to hide from an angry goddess!

Anxiously,

Hades

God of the Underworld


	45. Chapter 45

Dear Mortals,

Your turn to deal with her, dad.

Sincerely,

Nico

Son of Hades

The Ghost King


	46. Chapter 46

**I just published a new story/set of poems. Go check it out! And review, please :)** **This chapter dedicated to Oreocat155338.**

 **-o-**

DEAR MORTALS,

HOW DARE YOU PORTRAY ME AS A WEAK LOSER! I AM THE GOD OF TIME, SOON TO BE RULER OF THE GODS, OLYMPUS, AND THE WORLD AS YOU KNOW IT! YOU ARE ALL OBLIVIOUS HUMAN SCUM!

AND NOW, FOR MY AD:

Join Kronos and his henchmen, and you shall be part of the cause that will one day rule the universe! Here are some ways joining Kronos would be worth it:

-Unlimited drachmas!

-Immortality! (If you are a general. Soldiers get a lifespan of about 100 years)

-Your very own kingdom! (If you are a general)

-Slaves! -Pegasus soup!

-Revenge on the Gods!

-A start of a new, better civilization!

Join Kronos today! Recruitment forms must be delivered to Prometheus by February 6th, 2222. You must have at least 1/10000 ichor in your blood. Monsters get free enrollment. Must have a good revenge-against the gods reason.

AH, THAT IS NOW DONE! YOU INSOLENT HUMAN SCUM WILL JOIN ME, OR DIE! YOU HEAR ME! DIE! DIE! DIE!

DIE,

KRONOS  
TITAN LORD  
SOON TO BE RULER OF OLYMPUS


	47. Chapter 47

Dear Mortals,

Dude Kronos, don't you know that you don't need to constantly write in caps? It just uninterests people. And you wonder why people don't join your cause. Hmmph. Improper grammar.

Hi Dude,

Apollo

God of the Sun

Totally awesome guy


	48. Chapter 48

Dear Mortals,

Kronos, ignore my annoying brother. And, WHAT THE HADES ARE YOU DOING ON HERE? Percy Jackson killed you! Unless he was lying to impress me because of my daughter… hmmm… I need to talk with him.

Apollo, why are you, of all people, talking about improper grammar? Your haikus already drive me crazy.

Pondering,

Athena

Goddess of Wisdom

Owl-Head


	49. Chapter 49

DEAR MORTALS,

NO MORE WHAT THE HADES! NO MORE, I TELL YOU! NO MORE! NO MORE! NO MORE! I WILL KILL YOU ALL!

ANGRILY,

HADES  
GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD!


	50. Chapter 50

Dear Mortals,

Uncle, you're starting to sound like grandfather. And Athena...;

 _Athena is mean_

 _She makes Apollo angry_

 _He does not like her_

Musically,

Apollo

God of the Sun

Forever Awesome Person


	51. Chapter 51

DEAR MORTALS,

DO NOT SAY THAT I SOUND LIKE MY FATHER! NO! NO!

SINCERELY,

HADES  
GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD!


	52. Chapter 52

Dear Mortals,

Apollo….

Frankly, I hate your haikus.

Sincerely,

Athena

Goddess of Wisdom


	53. Chapter 53

DEAR MORTALS,

I HAVE YOU ALL FIGHTING AGAINST EACH OTHER! HAH! NOW YOU WILL HAVE A CIVIL WAR AND I'LL ATTACK YOU IN THE MIDDLE! HAH! HAH!

EVILLY,

KRONOS  
LORD OF TIME


	54. Chapter 54

Dear Mortals,

Keep telling yourself that, if it makes you feel better.

Sincerely,

Athena

Goddess of Wisdom

 **-o-**

 **Question- Who's your godly parent?**


	55. Chapter 55

**This chapter dedicated to** **The purple hippocampus** **, who wanted… well, you'll see.**

 **Also, because I felt like putting this here, I am apparently the child of Hades, according to my friends. Well, Hades and Athena… ehh, it was debatable.**

 **Shortness is here to, because I'm super busy.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

I am not an insolent man-witch who likes torturing kids. I'm a very nice, respectful, well-behaved man who loves taking care of children and teaching them how to survive. It's not like I'm lazy all day and sit around doing nothing. Whatever you write about, I'm a very good, honest person at heart.

Just ask my wife, she knows me. All these demigods don't know what the Poseidon they're talking about.

Oh yes, and remember that I'm banned from alcohol, so your AUs can't portray me as an evil drunk principal or something. I wish I wasn't though… then I would have an excuse for being mean… I mean extraordinarily nice and loving to children! Why are you staring? There's nothing to see here!  
By the way, loud leopard print shirts are very in and popular this season. Everybody loves multi-colored neon leopard print! Well, except for Seymour- he claims they look too much like his father did when he got stuck in the middle of a human paintball fight. I don't get it, really. How did a grown leopard get in the middle of a paintball fight? I really don't know. Please don't ask. I don't like having conversations with Seymour, he always threatens to bite my face off when he sees my shirt.

Sometimes, I really don't understand why I brought him to life.

Then I remember… ohhh. He's my sacred animal.

Yup, I got the leopard. Not the horse, not the eagle, not even the stupid cow. I don't get why Hera keeps complaining about cows. They're not really about as bad as the stupid leopards. I should have the dolphin too, don't you think? After what I did to those sailors… oh, those were the good days. Helping to run Olympus is no fun.

Wishing he was drunk,

Dionysus

God of Wine

Not leopard liker


	56. Chapter 56

Dear Mortals,

What the Poseidon, Dionysus? Really?

Shaking his head,

Poseidon

God of the Sea


	57. Chapter 57

Dear Mortals,

Wow dad, wow. I'm pretty sure uncle Hades threatened him. Now, I must spread word through camp that we have new profanity! It's my job as camp 'leader'. Sometimes, I love that position, sometimes I hate it.

Wow,

Percy Jackson

Son of Poseidon

Blah blah blah you all know my titles

 **-o-**

 **Question- What is your favorite PJO/HOO book? Mine is The Mark of Athena!**


	58. Chapter 58

**This is late and short, I know, sorry… and dedicated to a guest.**

 **I'm so busy… I'm really sorry.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

YES! The day has finally arrived! What the Hades is now no longer profanity! I would not be happier if the world was ending! Yes, I would be happy if the world was ending! Lots of dead mortals!

But that would mean mortal civilization would die, and I would fade… Oh, whatever. I don't care. No more profanity equals happy God of sad things!

What have you people done to me? I'm ranting about being happy. What has come upon the world! First Hitler, then socks with sandals, than _this?_

Where did what the Hades originate from anyways? I mean, why couldn't it originally be what the Zeus or something?

Well, what the Poseidon is now _in,_ as you say in all your mortal chick flicks that my wife makes me watch! No more using me as profanity! I knew blackmailing Dionysus was a good idea. That God will do anything for a cup of water that was charmed to taste like wine. I definitely deserve a place on the counsel more than he does. At least what I do has a purpose. What does he do? Go around making people crazy and drunk?

Even Hestia would have been a better choice. I always liked her… she's pretty much the only of of my siblings that actually realizes that I'm not that bad. I got the Underworld, that doesn't mean my personality reflects my domain.

Okay, maybe it does, but I don't care.

Has it ever occurred to you that jeez… Hades didn't choose the Underworld? No, of course it didn't. But really, I was the oldest of all the siblings, and I got the last choice. Women, home and hearth, the sky, the sea, agriculture… my siblings all chose before me! I had to be the last person who chose, and got the Underworld.

Off on a tangent… but whatever. No more what the Hades!

Dancing,

Hades

God of the Underworld

No longer has to listen to what the Hades.


	59. Chapter 59

**I have something to say.**

 **I just got a guest review that told me not to be so greedy about reviews, because it makes me look like a b****.**

 **My response- "EXCUSE ME!? What the heck do you think you're doing on this website if all you're going to do is complain about reviews?! You only read up until my eighth chapter!**

 **I'm bloody eleven years old, and when I wrote that chapter, it was about my second week on this website. I'm sorry if I wanted reviews, they are my inspiration and they make me feel good when I want to crack.**

 **Among that, you reviewed ANONYMOUSLY! What the HECK! That is so cowardly! Excuse me for being young and in want for reviews. If you think that, then you are the bloody name in question!**

 **Okay, for the rest of you, who are many non-haters, I love you. I know there are a lot of you, and the other 15,000 of you, that letter isn't for you. That was just the first flame I've ever gotten. And I feel really bad that this isn't a letter, so I'm giving you a tiny one. Also, I wrote a one-shot this morning called 'Pranking Revenge' you can check out.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

Hades, are you honestly saying that I make you watch those chick flicks? We all know that you love them. On the contrary, you make me watch them. Honestly, they're gross. I hate all the 'Oooh, I love you' stuff. It's so gross! I thought you were supposed to be the God of sad things!

Not chick flick liker,

Persephone

Goddess of flowers

Queen of the dead


	60. Chapter 60

**Sorry this story went on an unplanned hiatus, but that reviewer but me in a horrible mood. However, due to many kind reviews and my friend DrakonOwl21195, I'm in a better mood now. I might not be able to fit much more stuff in this weekend, due to three volleyball tournaments… So, I hope you like this one. Sorry if I overreacted to the review.**

 **Another Note- I'm sorry if I accidently applied that not having a FF account is cowardly. It's not, and I understand if you can't get one. What I don't like are anonymous flames.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

The world is ending! Hades, the dark, evil God of the Underworld, has admitted to being as obsessed with chick-flicks as Aphrodite herself! I believe I speak for the whole council when I say that Hades is never going to live this down.

What the Hades is making a comeback!

I've already spoken to Athena, and she has agreed to put this on the head page of the next Olympus Weekly issue that comes out. And that she'll write the page herself, with direct quotes from the Gods of Olympus! The Seven have also agreed to bring interviewed! And because I'm in a good mood, I'm letting you mortals having a sneak peek at the Seven's interviews, as well as a few others-

Percy Jackson- Oh my gods. YES! My uncle finally can be embarassed!

Annabeth Chase- It would not be logical to put my opinion on here, due to the fact that I can die. I don't want an angry God of the Underworld on my trail. I'm keeping my opinion to myself.

Jason Grace- See, this only happens in Greece. Maybe I should go back to being Roman.

Piper Mclean- Wow, another God doing something weird. Why am I not surprised?

Leo Valdez- Oooh yeah baby, the freakin' scariest God in the universe can now be embarrassed by the Leo-Machine! Hades is going down!

Hazel Levesque- Why are there so many cameras pointing at me *acting flustered and traumatized*?

Frank Zhang- As a Roman leader, I have no opinion.

Nico Di Angelo- Oh, dad, what in your name have you gotten into?

Reyna ARA- Why do strange things keep happening to me?

Conner Stoll- Does this mean we can prank Hades now?

Travis Stoll- Same question as my brother.

Katie Gardner- And Hades is weird. Again. I pity my sister Persephone. And note to the Stolls: No, you cannot prank Hades now!

Octavian- So here I am, being interviewed in the Underworld. Is nobody thinking about letting me out?

Thalia Grace- Well, since I can't die… What the Hades uncle! And I thought my dad was the biggest idiot in the family!

Chiron- You're technically my younger brother Hades, so I have to be responsible. What the Hades were you thinking? You'll never live this down!

Alecto the Kindly One- Does this mean you won't boss us around anymore!?

Kronos- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Wait, who let Kronos on here!? Hermes! Get back here! How were you able to interview Kronos?!

Sincerely,

Zeus

God of the Sky

(Wait, Thalia, I'M NOT AN IDIOT! I'M YOUR DAD! RESPECT!)


	61. Chapter 61

Dear Mortals,

Ohhhh no… My secret is out… Styx.

I did not admit to anything! My wife did! And I don't like chick flicks to Aphrodite extent! Nobody can ever reach that level. I swear she's snuck her way onto the set of some of them.

Really, Athena! Please don't do this! I thought I was your favorite uncle! You hate Poseidon, don't you!?

Please please please don't let What the Hades make a comeback. Please. I beg you. As for the interviews, really! All of them, wow. And Nico, really, you're using my name in vain now too? I thought I was your favorite dad!

Oh right, I'm your only dad…

Thalia Grace! All hunters die at a point of time too! I am not an idiot. And Alecto, no. You're getting extra shifts for the next century or hundred.

Oh, my life has been ruined.

Styx,

Hades

God of the Underworld

Chick Flick Lover

 **-o-**

 **Question- Errr… What sport do you play?**


	62. Chapter 62

**I've got writer's block. I don't want to put this story on hiatus, but updates will be short. I will try to update as much as possible, though I've been incredibly busy lately, with it being the second half of the school year and all that.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

Hello. Hi and all that. I'm Rachel. And I need to get some things clear with you. Like the fact that I'm not an evil she demon and that I ship Percabeth. Rachel, the long feared supporter of Perachel, is now saying that she is a Percabeth shipper! It's amazing, you should put it on the news or something, shouldn't you?

Why are you guys so prejudiced to me. I'm the oracle, remember? No boys. And I must say, I'm amazed at some of the ships you sail with me. Lukachel? Octachel? Rachollo? Rachico? Honestly, I fought against Luke, I never met Octavian, I hate Apollo (I swear his poems are evil!), and Nico? Nico, seriously? He's three years younger than me!

I've even heard of some fics about me and Annabeth, or me and Thalia… Ugh.

I'm not evil, okay?

Not evil,

Rachel

Oracle of Delphi

Percabeth shipper

 **-o-**

 **Question- Favorite PJO character? Mines Annabeth.**


	63. Chapter 63

Dear Mortals,

See, my name is P-I-P-E-R M-C-L-E-A-N. You know what it is not? M-A-R-Y S-U-E. See, there is a huge difference. Eleven letters versus seven letters. I'm no Mary Sue, and I hate it when you all portray me as one. I'm not, really. All the POVs good old Riordan put in those books he wrote should have proved it to all of you. I have a lot of problems, okay? I'm not some stupid Mary Sue who is smart, good looking, and powerful. Quite the opposite, actually.

Yes, Drew bullies me. So? I can take care of myself. I will not succumb to bulimia or other problems of the like. I swear on the Styx. Really. I promise. I won't let my evil stepsister's opinion of me change what I think about myself. I'm perfect as I am. I believe that, and you all should too.

I'm glad you all don't hate me. I'm not uptight, at least I don't think so. I'm just me. Although, I could have more fics… Just saying. Haha, not really. I don't really care about having a fanbase. I'm sorry. I just don't feel that way. I have my home, Jason, and my dad. That's all I need in my life. I just want a quiet life at Camp Half-Blood for the rest of my days. Hopefully with that scene of my grandchildren coming true.

Peacefully,

Piper Mclean

Not Mary Sue

Peace lover


	64. Chapter 64

**Hey guys. It's been over a month, and I greatly apologize for it. I've been busy, and I hope you guys all understand. I've decided I'm going to put less authors notes in this fic, because they're getting to be too much, and I don't think you guys like reading them that much, do you? I can't promise regular updates from now, but I can promise that I'll try, though they might be short.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

ME MINEEETORE. ME NOT LIKE TO DYE. I KILLL YOU ALL! ME VARY POWEERFUL. I DANGEEROS. YOU ALL INSIGNIFEECENT MORTALES. I VARY BIG IMPORETENT MONSTERE. PERRCY JACKSONE WILL NOT COMME KILL ME AGANE. THEES TIME I WEELL KILL HIM. I WEELL AVEENGE ALL DEE MONSTERES THAT HAVE DYED!

SINCERELY,

DEE MINEETORE


	65. Chapter 65

Dear Mortals,

PERRCY JACKSONE? Really, Minotaur. That is just lame. Very, very lame. As I believe Apollo previously stated, don't write in caps. It just uninterests people. All the interest forms when you write good, interesting letters. That's the reason people are reading this letter right now. They believe it is interesting because they're huge Percy Jackson and the Olympians fans. Or, they're just incredibly bored because they have no social life. That's always a thing.

But anyways, be interesting. You do realize that I'm a published author, right? Man, that was fun to rub in Annabeth's face. Have you guys read my books? They're pretty good, eh? At least for a dyslexic kid like me. Have you seen Annabeth write a book? Nada.

But honestly, I do know what I'm talking about. Caps? Not interesting. At all.

With no due respect,

Percy Jackson

Okay, you all know my titles. No need for me to write my hand off.


	66. Chapter 66

Dear Mortals,

Grammar, Minotaur, grammar. It is so amazing, isn't it? That thing which people use to make their writing legible and universally understandable. The thing which has incredibly complex vocabulary which expresses to the reader of your work WHAT THE HECK YOU MEAN (note that I did not say 'WHAT THE POSEIDON' or 'WHAT THE HADES'. I am neutral in this war). So, instead of DEE, write THE. And at least spell your name correctly; MINOTAUR. Your own name, can't you at least get that right?

And it is DIE, not DYE.

And VERY instead of VERY….

Oh, what the heck, I'm going to be writing this letter all day at this rate. Just spell properly, please.

Wait a sec… how did you get on here, anyways? Did you regenerate? PERCY! YOU HAVE A MINOTAUR TO KILL!

Well, actually, before he does that, I have a message to my boyfriend-

Yes, you wrote a book. Yes, I get that. NO, you did not get the rights to brag to me!

Oh Minotaur, look at what you've done to me… this letter is full of caps.

Grammar Queen,

Annabeth Chase

Daughter of Athena

Grammar Queen (as previously stated)

About to destroy Percy Jackson


	67. Chapter 67

Dear Mortals,

You just had to get Annabeth started on a grammar rage, didn't you, Minotaur? Last time, she lectured me for ten hours straight about the importance of using grammar. Of course, I slept through it, but she doesn't need to know that.

Hopefully not going to be lectured,

Percy Jackson

(What did I say about the titles?!)


	68. Chapter 68

Dear Mortals,

Perseus Jackson, you slept through my entire lecture?! That took me three days to come up with, along with the PowerPoint Presentation! You know, I think I'll tie you to a chair and make you listen to it again. And I'll ask the Hecate cabin to make sure you don't go to sleep. Ah, devious planning… I love it!

Planning,

Annabeth Chase

Daughter of Athena

Lecture Planner.


	69. Chapter 69

Dear Mortals,

GODS OF OLYMPUS, PLEASE HELP ME! I'LL DO WHATEVER YOU ASK!

Desperate,

Percy Jackson

Insert Titles Here


	70. Chapter 70

Dear Mortals,

I will help you if you promise never to go near my daughter again.

Sincerely,

Athena

Goddess of Wisdom


	71. Chapter 71

Dear Mortals,

I'm sorry Athena, but I'm afraid I can't do that. Unfortunately, she _is_ my soulmate. So I'm kind of stuck with her for life.

Still pleading,

Percy Jackson

Titles go here


	72. Chapter 72

Dear Mortals,

ANNABETH, LET US GO RUN AFTER HIM AND SCAR HIM FOR LIFE!

Sincerely,

Athena

Goddess of Wisdom


	73. Chapter 73

Dear Mortals,

HECK YEAH!

Ready to hunt down Percy,

Annabeth Chase

Daughter of Athena.


	74. Chapter 74

**Excuse- Volleyball. School and Club season both just ended, though. I've got some free time, and then testing. Then family is coming over… well, I'm trying here.**

* * *

Dear Mortals,

I don't bully Piper at all. Ignore what that crazy girl says, she's wrong in the head. And _no way_ is her charmspeak more powerful than mine. She's just really lucky. No one is as powerful as me. I'm Drew Tanaka!

Yeah, so what if she's head counselor instead of me? Everybody knows that I would have done a much better job during that quest if I had gone. The prophecy was definitely about me. Not Piper. It's totally her fault Leo disappeared. Not that I cared about that stupid Hephaestus kid either. He named his dragon Festus, honestly. He was totally way too attached to that piece of metal.

I'm pretty sure she charmspeaked her way into getting Jason too. I'm sure that he would much rather be with me. Who would want to spend any time with that piece of freak? Even her name is freaky. Piper, honestly, who names their kid after a plane?

And Tristan Mclean her dad? Er, no. That's not possible. Tristan actually looks presentable. Piper looks as if she doesn't know that lawnmowers are used for grass. Or maybe she mistook that pile of ugly on top of her head for dead weeds. I could definitely do that.

Forget what she says, I don't bully her at all. It's called telling her what parts of her pathetic life she doesn't deserve, which is like all of it. I can't believe she's close to Percy Jackson and hasn't dumped Jason for him. If I was in her position, I'd definitely go for Jackson.

All in all, Piper is a piece of scum, and I'm the one worth looking at. Believe me, I'm a much nicer person and better looking than her.

Beautiful and knows it,

Drew Tanaka

Daughter of Aphrodite

Much better than Piper


	75. Chapter 75

Dear Mortals,

Drew, I'm going to be the better person here and pretend I didn't just read that.

Shaking her head,

Piper Mclean

Daughter of Aphrodite

Doesn't like bragging


	76. Chapter 76

Dear Mortals,

Ugh, whatevs, I don't care. Just let me do my nails in peace.

Ugh,

Drew Tanaka

Daughter of Aphrodite

Tired and knows she's better than Piper so doesn't even want to argue


	77. Chapter 77

Dear Mortals,

I AM DEAD. That's all there is too it, I promise. I'm not coming back to be with Thalia or threaten Percy or anything. I'm gone. I'm never coming back. I'm done with Kronos, I'm done with Olympus, I'm done with being a hero.

Nothing is ever going to change my mind. I made my point right before I died. I was given a choice. I chose wrong. If I ever was able to go back in time, I'd change everything. I would never let Kronos overtake me, and I would have stayed with Thalia and Annabeth.

Looking back, I can't tell what came over me when I poisoned Thalia. I feel like I was possessed. I did everything wrong. I'm not trying to blame anything or anybody, I'm just trying to say one thing; I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I deserted my family. I'm sorry I deserted my friends. I'm sorry that I turned evil. I'm sorry I hurt so many people. I'm sorry that it's too late to say I'm sorry.

Right now, I'm in Elysium. I don't know why I get to live in such a paradise for hurting so many people. I'm also glad that they have a postal system, though.

My life has been a series of mistakes. I really just want to apologize for almost killing and hurting everybody. I'm so sorry.

Sorry,

Luke Castellan

No longer evil

Accepted that he was a son of Hermes


	78. Chapter 78

**So… I've been testing. Sorry I keep coming up with excuses, I feel horrible. Also I did this in math, so sorry for some weirdness. And getting some facts wrong.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

Hi, I'm Laurie. And I'm currently sitting in Tartarus, writing this next to the shrine of some god, perhaps Hermes. Hoping that someday, this letter will reach somebody on the surface. Maybe whoever's reading this will feel some remorse for me.

Why is a nine-year-old telekhine in Tartarus, when they didn't do anything wrong? Haha, that's a funny story. You see, three days before my ninth birthday, my mother forced me to go to school in Mt. St. Helens. I'm nine! I HATE SCHOOL! But no, my mother made me go. So Mrs. Setski (I still can't believe she was married, she looked like a hippocampus butt) was lecturing us on about how the goal of our lives was to fight for Kronos and get revenge on the Olympians. Blah, blah- I swear, we get the same lecture every single day! Is there nothing else they can teach us? Like, what those humans learn? Math, and science, and interesting stuff? We just get a history lesson. The same history lesson. From ages five- seventeen. What the heck? Can they not come up with anything new? No, I'm guessing not. Because we get the same lecture. EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Okay, so maybe I went a bit off topic… but anyways, so I was sitting there on a rock, having the boring day of boring days, when I get shocked!

You see, we also learn about famous demigods- so, ya'know, I recognized the infamous Percy Jackson at first sight. Though, to be honest, I hadn't expected such an important hero to jump out of a dirty cart of celestial bronze.

Aren't heroes supposed to have majestic entrances?

Plus, Jackson was young. He looked barely fourteen. He was supposed to obliviate Kronos? Not even a funny joke.

So he jumps out of the cart of celestial bronze and yells some stuff about class being over. It was surprising, to say the least. He didn't even look as if he could hold his sword properly. Besides, he was so dirty and sweaty from the heat he barely looked part-human anymore.

I was one of the first monsters that attacked him. When I moved close to him, he just put on a weird face and swung his sword right at me.

It turned out he did know how to use a sword.

So I've been rotting in Tartarus for Hades knows how long. Stupid family genes that prevent regenerating.

So that's my story. Anybody feel bad for me now?

Wishing many poisonous swords in the back to Percy Jackson,

Derek the Telekhine

Hates PJO

Wants to regenerate!


	79. Chapter 79

**So… Another month. Sorry, although I feel as if I've been typing that way too much recently.**

 **Through technical difficulties, I was only able to read half of the Hidden Oracle. There will be no Trials of Apollo characters in here that are not in the first two series. Nor will I make any indications the Trials of Apollo series has happened.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

YOU EVIL… Actually, I have to say I don't mind how you make me look most of the time. Bloodthirsty? Evil? Ruthless? Yeah, I'm perfectly fine with all of that. I don't care if you think I'm a killer. I still fight for Olympus, even if I though like torturing and being mean. All blood is pleasurable to see run, however sadistic that seems.

Eh, so life's being pretty good. The satyrs have been finding plenty of new campers for me to tort- er, nicely welcome to camp with no other motive in mind except being nice and friendly. Yeah, that works.

Life's smooth, the world isn't being taken over by some weird myth, and my personal life is good and evil.

However, there is one thing I want to talk to you about. If any of you have ever written a fic that describes me in terms such as 'misunderstood' and 'beautiful at heart, TELL ME WHO YOU ARE AND I WILL KILL YOU.

I am mean, I am evil, and I like it. Anybody who doesn't believe that will pay.

Mean

Clarisse La Rue

Daughter of Ares

Bloodthirsty


	80. Chapter 80

Dear Mortals,

Hey! You? Yeah you, guy or girl who's reading this! Do you have any money? You see, I'm kinda broke. My wife kicked me out when I couldn't pay rent, and then my uncle kicked me out because I smelled bad, and then my grandpa's pet ferret kicked me out of his house because I asked him for money. See what my problem is? I could really use some money!

Money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money money,

Don the Faun

Broke


	81. Chapter 81

Dear Mortals,

Don, if I catch you using any more parchment from the temple, which I have constantly reminded you is illegal, to write letters like that, I will make you go to Camp Half-Blood. Percy and Annabeth told me that they have a very nice, helpful satyr friend there named Grover that could help you with learning to be one with nature. I have the authority to send you overseas.

And let me get something straight with this paragraph:

Hey! You? Yeah you, guy or girl who's reading this! **Duh, who else would you be talking to?** Do you have any money? **Why are you asking random people for money?** You see, I'm kinda broke. **You're not broke Don. New Rome supplies you with plenty of things.** My wife kicked me out when I couldn't pay rent **You don't have a wife. You're not married.** , and then my uncle kicked me out because I smelled bad **Your uncles are both dead, although you do smell funny** , and then my grandpa's pet ferret kicked me out of his house because I asked him for money **Pet ferret? That's not even slightly believable.** See what my problem is? **Actually, no**. I could really use some money! **You're** **not** **gonna get it.**

Sincerely,

Reyna ARA

Praetor of Camp Jupiter

Daughter of Bellona

 **-o-**

 **Sorry this was OOC**.


	82. Chapter 82

Dear Mortals,

Dudes. Please just _stop it_ with the Chinese Handcuffs. I have realized that I chose a peculiar way to get out of them. I realize that most of you probably laughed out loud when reading that like the crazy maniacs that you are. I realize that some of you probably drew plenty of fanart describing that moment. I don't know why you still think you need to bring up that incident.

Look, it was a long time ago. I was young and naive. I now know how to actually get out of them (thanks to Annabeth and no thanks to Leo. He's mean).

Leo never played another joke on me like that. I don't know what Calypso did to that boy, but he is a lot more serious now. I mean, it's good, but it's bad too. We all miss that curly-haired prankster who somehow always made it back to us safe. He's changed, and we miss him. Not that there's anything wrong with him now, of course. I just miss him.

Shoot. Now I'm being sentimental. What the Poseidon is wrong with me?

Sentimentally,

Frank Zhang

Son of Ares

Not an Iguana


	83. Chapter 83

Dear Mortals,

HAHA! My brother, did you just see what Ares' boy did? He said WHAT THE POSEIDON! You know what this means? I'm winning the war! I'm winning! For once! I never win. Poseidon, you are going down!

Evil,

Hades

God of the Underworld


	84. Chapter 84

Dear Mortals,

Father, in my short miserable life, can you please do me one favor?

Please never, and I mean _never_ again, dance around in step-mother's fields in your underpants yelling "I WON! YOU'RE GOING DOWN POSEIDON!" again.

It scarred me, Cerberus, and the ghosts in the Fields of Punishment say that if we really want to torture them you should do that again.

Deathly,

Nico Di Angelo

Son of Hades (thinking about disowning his dad)


	85. Chapter 85

Dear Mortals,

Oh, my dear, favorite brother. The war is yet to come!

And you're right, you never win. I don't intend to change that fact anytime soon. As for you, young Nico, Percy has spoken highly of you. Would you like me to adopt you? It seems like your father spends too much time dancing in his underpants to pay you any attention.

Sincerely,

Poseidon

God of the Seas


	86. Chapter 86

Dear Mortals,

Of course, Uncle. I would be delighted for you to take charge of me!

Sincerely,

Nico Di Angelo

Son of Hades


	87. Chapter 87

Dear Mortals,

NICO! I DID NOT DO THAT! AND YOU CANNOT SWITCH FATHERS WITHOUT MY APPROVAL!

Sincerely,

Hades

God of the Underworld


	88. Chapter 88

Dear Mortals,

Oh yes you did, father. So, do I have your approval? I'm sure you wouldn't mind taking me off your back.

Sincerely,

Nico Di Angelo

Son of Hades


	89. Chapter 89

Dear Mortals,

Oh, son. I suppose you have my approval. Do whatever you want in life. I trust that you will make your own, good decisions.

Sincerely,

Hades

God of the Underworld


	90. Chapter 90

Dear Mortal,

My dear great-uncle Hades and my dear uncle (Wait. No. That sounds wrong), or friend Nico. I would like to remind everybody that I should be the main focus right now. Hades, Nico, and Poseidon's bickering does not matter to anyone. Just saying.

Sincerely,

Frank Zhang

Son of Mars


	91. Chapter 91

Dear Mortals,

Whatever, Son of Mars. I have to go back to my paperwork anyways.

But Poseidon, this battle is not over! What the Poseidon will prevail!

Sincerely,

Hades

God of the Underworld


	92. Chapter 92

Dear Mortals,

This battle is not over? Brother, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Sincerely,

Poseidon

God of the Seas


	93. Chapter 93

Dear Mortals,

This bickering… my uncles, you must be going insane in old age!

Sincerely,

Athena

Goddess of Wisdom


	94. Chapter 94

Dear Mortals,

ATHENA! DID YOU JUST CALL US INSANE?

SINCERELY,

HADES AND POSEIDON  
Gods of the Underworld and Seas


	95. Chapter 95

Dear Mortals,

Oh dear…

Sincerely,

Athena

Goddess of Wisdom

 **-o-**

 **Sorry if this wasn't very good. I h=just really felt like I needed to give you guys another chapter marathon…**

 **On a happier note, the big 100th chappie is coming up. Yay! Please review and tell me whose POV you want chapter 100 in. Whoever gets the most votes wins!**


	96. Chapter 96

**Er… family over for the summer- concussion - school started. Does that work?**

 **Chapter 100 will be done in Percy's POV! If I get enough votes for something else, I'll change it, though…**

 **Please feel free to correct my food facts in reviews.**

 **-o-**

Dear Mortals,

CEREAL! Cereal is all this world of yours is missing. I am starting to wonder how some of you live off a breakfast of granola bars. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day! And cereal is vital to an important meal. Cereal and fruit. That should be your breakfast every day, and not the sugary stuff, either. Pure oats. That's where the fiber is!

I declare, sometimes I think I should have killed that son of mine when he created Kelloggs… I was told that Frosted Flakes were good, healthy, and full of nutrients! I had a bowl the other day, however, and they are vile! Coated in sugar! How do your mortal stomachs break down such unhealthiness? I was throwing-up into my favorite grove of banana trees!

Now, the ancients Greeks made the good stuff. No sugar. Just oats, oats, and more oats. Oats are important. Oats are healthy. Oats are what matters.

Poseidon had the right idea creating a fish campaign. Perhaps I shall make a cereal one, who knows? How does _cereal is for real_ sound? Don't you just love it?!

Oat-full,

Demeter

Goddess of Agriculture

Cereal-Lover


	97. Chapter 97

Dear Mortals,

Sister, sister. _Cereal is for real_ sounds terrible. No offense. You just can't beat my fish. The ocean will forever be better than the crops. Ask anyone.

Sincerely,

Poseidon

God of the Sea

Fish-Lover


	98. Chapter 98

Dear Mortals,

Tut-tut, brother. I'm going to take a leaf out of that demi-god's book. Not literally, of course — poor plants! Whatever her name, was, Pippy or something, had the right idea. I'm just going to ignore you, dear brother. I'm done with defending myself against you Big Three. One of you stole my daughter, the other let it happen, and the other is disrespecting cereal!

Cereal,

Demeter

Goddess of Agriculture


	99. Chapter 99

Dear Mortals,

I am writing this, you see, because I have hands. Even if you can't see them, you stupid daughter of Aphrodite, they're still here! And they're godly! And they will kill you if you say anything disrespectful!

Something is wrong with all you 'Greek Lovers'. The Greeks had no order! No discipline! No teamwork! Working solo never gets you anywhere. Teamwork is key. Ask a teacher anywhere.

And to you rule breakers, no more I say, no more! Rules will be enforced, as will curfew and proper times to maim someone. After that security footage showed that oaf Octavian killed Gwendolyn, we don't want anymore accidents, do we? DO WE?

Rule-Enforcer,

Terminus

ROMAN God of Boundaries


	100. Chapter 100

Dear Mortals,

Thank you for going through the handle of reading all these letters — er, I mean, hassle. The speech that WiseGirlGeek gave me is really confusing…

Oh, er, I see. *Cough*. I love all of you reviewers and am sad that I have to end this story, but I don't have any inspiration for Excuse Me? anymore. Please check out some of my other's though — hey! We're not boring! Why are you losing inspiration?

Oh, right. Read the speech. I might come back and write more to this if the muse (why do you need a Muse? Wait… I get it. Never mind) strikes again, but she's burrowed under some blankets because it's too cold for her right now. Never mind. That metaphor sounded completely wrong.

You're right. It did.

Fine, back to the speech.

Once again, I would like to thank everybody who has supported me this far. I might not have responded to every review, but I hope that you all know that I cherish every single word you leave for me. This story started at a kind of tool to get used to Fanfiction, but now that plenty of wonderful people have helped me understand it I am no longer in need of it. I've also discovered something—I cannot write fluff or humor. This is a failed attempt of a story…

Thank you. Everyone.

Ugh, that's done… now, there's blue coke and Annabeth waiting for me in the pavilion!

The end,

Percy Jackson

Son of Poseidon


End file.
